I love being a mom, don't get me wrong. I don't want anyone to think for I second that I don't...but you know when you look back on something in your life that changes you instantly and wonder what it would have been like if it didn't happen? I do that all the time. At this point in my life, I can't help but wonder what my life would be like and where I'd be if I hadn't had Gracie. She's the most incredible being ever, but sometimes I just wish I could have the EXACT same daughter but just a little more down the road. I think that I would just be graduating school with my bachelors degree and probably be out of the house by now. Yet, I'm still on my first year of college and living at home. On the other side, when I became pregnant, I was partying and not taking anything serious in life. I have always said that she saved me. She was a blessing in disguise so to speak. So, even when I do have those thoughts I have to remember that. Yes maybe life would be easier and things would be totally different, but God has a plan for a reason. All I know is, she's meant to be in my life NOW for a reason. And slowly I'm seeing what that reason is. My life will work into what it's supposed to be and where He intends me to be and what to do. I'm going through many changes right now and I just need to have faith in knowing that I will get there and things will work out. Now..it's time for my to go pick up my little ray of sunshine! Talk soon!



I got to talk (and see!) C this morning! He was able to get on the web cam. I was so happy to finally see him, moving and talking and just being there..it was great, especially after the night that I had. Last night I went out with friends for the first time after him leaving. We went to this bar/club that I'm pretty much a regular at and it was great to get out and dance again. But at the same token, I should've gone home right afterwards. My friend Brena and I went to an after party, big mistake. I won't get into all the details, because I'm trying to get to something else important right now. But basically, I didn't get home until 8 am because I locked my keys and phone in the car and after hours of looking for them and not having but $25 to my name, I had to borrow money from people and get a locksmith. Ahh, crazy night!
So, after my night from hell, getting to talk to C of course makes me happy, but even more so this morning! Here's an excerpt from our convo. He brings up an engagement ring...

C: I am listening to your song, Katy Perry's
J: HaHa, I kissed a girl? You hate that song!

C: But it reminds me of you
C: Plus I don't hate everything that I tell you
J: So why would you tell me you hate something if you don't?
C: Because I don't want to play it or do it all the time
J: So you say you hate it? You're such a dork! You should just say its just not your favorite!
J: You're my favorite ;)
C: I know but you love me to death!
J: You know I really think I do babe
C: Well I know you do
C: I'm your fav?????
J: Yup, you're stuck with me!
C: good because................
C: oh never mind
J: Never mind?? Oh no don't you dare say that when were talking about something like this
C: LoL
J: Oh heck no
C: yep
J: okay ill remember that
C: Okay fine. I went shopping for something online
C: That's all i will say. And the I need to know your ring size for something else :)
J: Oh really, which finger..?
C: Just guess
J: I think I know but I just wanted to hear you say it and be sure.
C: Okay babe, your ring finger
J: :D I'll have to see what size my rings are that fit me..I'll let you know.
C: Yeah you should do that
C: are you crying
J: I have been crying and smiling this whole time
C: Your weird but I love you
C: so much..you make me so happy
J: Well i cant help it babe..I'm a sucker for you! And I love you too.

We've been talking about the future and what it holds for us. We've talked about marriage, kids, our career plans, where we'd want to live...many things. But after talking to him today, when he mentioned shopping for rings. I really didn't want to know, because I love surprises (mostly when I don't know about them), but I guess our relationship started a little unconventional, so other things will be that way. It's all about planning, not spontaneity. So after our convo, I thought well I can still have an element of surprise in the way he goes about it..the proposal! Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of that day when my prince charming got down on one knee. More or less than the actual ceremony! Well no..I've dreamed of everything that had to do with my wedding. It's one of the moments in your life that you have control in turning your dreams into reality. What can I say I'm a total romantic! I was just randomly looking at rings when I came across some proposal ideas. I found some that are so cute, but nothing can top my dream proposal....

I've always wanted to be totally and utterly surprised. My dream would be for when he's ready to fake me out a few times with really romantic dates or being romantic in general..but when it finally comes down to it to send me on a scavenger hunt. Have him set it up when I'm with my best friend and the first place we go there's the first note. Someway I'd want her to sneak in the opportunity to start video recording it. He'd send me to all places that meant the most to us or just a reminder of things in our relationship and have me pick up little things along the way. Towards the end of the hunt, he'd send me home to get dressed for dinner at our favorite restaurant. Then at the end, on my last stop, my best friend happens to "go to the bathroom"and after I read the last note and do that last task..he's waiting for me. (With my best friend still recording!) Whether it be in a crowded place with our family and friends or private, with flowers and candles. I don't care because I would just be so happy at that point. That to me would just be amazingly perfect!

But let's face it, nothing is totally perfect. But a girl can dream!! However, here's some other cute proposal ideas that I found..

  • Have a friend or family member set up a picnic -- complete with wine and cheese, or course -- for you in a park. Take your girlfriend for a hike on a route where you'll stumble upon this surprise "Proposal Picnic."
  • Tie a red velvet ribbon from one spot in your home to another. Attach little notes recalling perfect moments in your relationship along the way. You wait at the last stop, ring in hand.
  • Create a personalize fortune cookie with your own proposal message.
  • Scratch your proposal into the frost on his or her car's windshield.
  • During your annual Halloween prep, challenge her to a pumpkin carving contest and carve the words "Marry Me" in your pumpkin. (I like this one because we both LOVE Halloween!!)
  • Tell your girlfriend you want to make a time capsule together to bury and dig up years into the future. As you're gathering the items, say it wouldn't be complete without a picture of the moment you two got engaged! Have a Polaroid camera ready to take that shot right after you present her with the ring.
  • Make your own message in a bottle. On the night before a beach day you've planned, write a love poem on a piece of parchment paper, roll it into an antique bottle with a cork, and bury it in a well marked spot in the sand near your towels. Be sure you "find" the bottle as you dig together -- and have the ring at the ready. (Sooooo cute!!!)
  • Make a list of ten reasons you'd like to marry your beloved. Read them to him or her in front of a crowd, have a singing telegram deliver them, or send them written on note cards one by one over the course of a day (or ten!), with the last card arriving via personal messenger (you!). (This is one of my favorites!!)

    I'm sure there's many cute, romantic ways to do it. It all comes down to the way the guy wants to do it. I'm sure anyway he does it will be amazing. The fact that I've found someone to spend my life with is amazing in it's own. But like I said a girl can dream!! If anyone has any cute ideas or even stories of their own, I'd absolutely love to hear about them. Thanks! :)


    College here I come....again!

    I've decided to go back and finish my AA. So, today I went to the college to see what classes I should take. I initially started school back in 05 a little after I graduated high school. My love has always been with the movie, film and/or makeup industry. I just never knew which direction I wanted to go in. In high school I was in TV Production, Journalism, Yearbook, Drama and Photography. I went away to The Art Institute trying for photography, but me being a total dimwit, I wasted a great opportunity by partying and putting my parents money down the drain. I moved back home after a semester and went to the community college here, where I started my General Ed for my AA. Got through a semester there, but then found out I was preggers. What was a shocking bump in the road turned into the best thing that ever happened to me. 9 months later and I had my beautiful little sunshine, Gracie. Being a mom is so rewarding and I couldn't picture not having her in my life. To some it was unconventional the way it happened, but honestly, to me if I never had had her, I'd still be in my partying days and probably not serious about life at all. She made me grow up and realize what life's all about. After being home with her for a year I thought I'd go back to school. I wanted to do makeup, but they didn't offer that at the college. I was going to do the full cosmetology..but ended up only taking the aesthetics course because I have no interest in nails or hair as a profession. When I graduated, I looked for a job at a spa, but nobody was hiring. So I took a job at Express, but kept my eyes open. I started looking into makeup school during the summer and found the perfect one. It's in Orlando..but it's also A LOT of money. My mom still thought it was worth looking into. August rolled around and I left Express because C was coming home and the next semester for makeup school starts in October. Soooo..we're pretty much caught up to present day. Since meeting Chris, I've really dug deep into what I really want in life. Do I want to be a still at home army wife/mom? Do I want to still go on and have a career? Should I even think about changing things now? Am I second guessing myself? Is this what I really want and can I see myself doing this for the next 20+ years? Well, at this point I'm thinking I'm going to go back and finish my AA and see where that takes me. If I went ahead and did makeup school now, I'd have to find something right away to use my knowledge in or else I'll forget what I just paid all that money for. So I think for know I'm going to focus on my AA. We shall see what the future holds!!


    It's not goodbye..it's see you soon

    Saying our farewell was so hard. I didn't even imagine it when he first got here. It hadn't really hit me that I'd have to farewell in only a few short weeks. Our time together was truly amazing and I can't wait till the day that we can pick it back up again. When I'll see you once again in an airport, but I'll be picking you up this time! Taking him there sucked but I knew it had to be done. We did have one extra day that we didn't think would happen, but it did and it was awesome. I'm so thankful for the time that he did have. We'll just have to take this one day at a time and get through it. I think of all the army wives, girlfriends and fiances that send their men off. I certainly have a newfound respect for them. It is indeed hard. Yes, I may be a new "significant other" in this thing, but I'm here and this is the path I have chosen. You can't help who you fall for I guess. I hope that I'm strong enough for this, that's why I started this whole blog thing. It helps me get my thoughts out and tie me to other people that are going through the same thing. One day at a time is definitely my new motto!!

    Leave time

    Okay, so I thought getting off the plane and seeing C was amazing, but the time we spent together was even MORE amazing! We had lots of fun even with our mishaps with his car along the way!

    We spent the first week in Columbus. I got to meet his family and loved his parents! We got along so well, which is one of the greatest things I could ask for. How could a girl not want to get along with the parentals? His mom and I clicked so well that for practically that whole week I was in her kitchen cooking with her. We went to church together and she even brought me to my very first volunteering at a womens shelter. I can say that it was one I won't forget. You never understand what people go through, unless you listen to their stories and look around and realize where you are in life. You really do take things for granted until you're faced with how other people live, eat and sleep. I can honestly say a little part of me has changed from just spending some time there.

    We went out to downtown Columbus and shopped around with his best friend and his wife. They are by far the cutest couple and her belly was a growing part to that family. She's 8 months pregnant and it was so cute to see that again..oh how I miss it! (Just not ready again yet..that's a whole other story on its own!) We went to the Melting Pot and stuffed out faces! There shopping there is amazing by the way, it's like a city of just shops and restaurants, it's so awesome! I love it there.

    After spending a week there, we packed up and headed out in his convertible Eclipse. Here we come, FL or bust! And let me tell you..it almost was a bust! We left at 8am for our 18 hour drive. Everything was going good..we were barely in West Virginia before we had our first stop, Mickey D's..no Starbucks around in this hick town! I needed my coffee fix if I was going to survive this! It was probably every 2 hours that we stopped cause of my damn bladder with all the drinks I had. Oh well, I had to go! We made it to South Carolina when we ate at Hooters..and it was actually my idea! What can I say, I've got love for those Hooter girls! Haha. In all actuality for us leaving when a storm was going through Fl, things were going pretty fast. We hit the state line at about midnight, so we were pretty good on time with all the stops we made. So, we're literally 2 hours from my house and I was driving, when his car started making a weird noise and it didn't help that we were almost out of gas! I pulled over and of course he woke up to hearing his car making this funky sound and we both started to get worried. We barely made it to the gas station, but we did. It turns out it was his pulley and it just decided to come off..oh great! I tried to say we should stay the night there and get it fixed in the morning, but no he's a hard head and wanted to get home. So, we trekked on...minus one pulley! We made it 40 more miles when his car started giving out, slowly dying. GREEEAT! Here we are on the side of the road at 3am. $300 and a coked up tow truck driver later..we made it home by 5:30, three hours shy of being on the road for a 24 hour period. Groggy eyed we got into the house and crashed, finally. Crazy day!

    That same day/night we had to go to my aunt and uncles anniversary party, so we ended up sleeping almost the whole day. We had to drive to Ft. Lauderdale for the party..yuck, more driving, but we got there. It was good, because C got to meet my family and got along so well with all of them. We had a blast!

    Back to Fort Pierce and the calls start coming in from all my friends. They want to meet my "perfect army guy" as everyone calls him cause I'm always talking about him. :) What can I say? He is! The whole time he was here we spent with plenty of friends around, I'm sure he knew he was loved. He was lucky to be here on his birthday, I've never seen somebody smile so much in one day..he definitely knew he was loved on that day! I'm pretty sure he won't forget that one. ;) I wanted to make C's leave amazing as I could be and I hope it was. I just can't wait till the day I see you again. Just 3 months babe!


    Meeting You <3

    Well, I'm now considered part of this crazy army life. I'm totally in love and it's with yes, a soldier. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
    We literally "met" only a short month ago, when he came home on leave. Yes, seriously only a month ago. However we have been pen pals for 10 months. I'm not ashamed to say that I've joined the banwagon of people that have met their special someone online. First off, I've been sending random soldier's care packages for a while now. Most of them write me a little something back to say how much they are appreciated. But honestly, how can I not? So, while I did this I came across this one site with webcams (sounds kinky, but it really isn't!) where you can talk to people and see them at the same time! I was in the chat for like the 2nd week and saw him. He was in his uniform and had his buddy sitting next to him. Ofcourse I was intrigued to talk to him. Just a casual "hey, how are you" kinda thing. It turns out he was actually in Iraq and had only been there for 2 months, so he had a ways to go. We talked for quite some time that first night and things just clicked. He was so funny and I couldn't stop smiling. At that point, I just knew I had to keep talking to him, even just as a friend. I remember the very first time I heard his voice. It was 4am and my mom answered the phone. She came rushing into my room telling me it was him. I thought I knew what butterflies were until that moment. We got to talk for about 20 mins, but it was so worth every second. We talked what seemed like at least once a day, whether it was phone or online. I found myself very lucky because I know they don't get that very often. About 2 weeks later, I went on vacation and sent C his first care package. I didn't hear from him my whole time on vacation and I got extremely worried, but at the same time I thought that maybe he had just moved on and we had our thing. Well, I get home and about a week later I get a call from him. He had been in the hospital because him and his guys had gone over a landmine. Damn, did I feel like a douche. He hadn't forgotten me at all. From then on, we left each other little messages here and there and talked on the phone any time he could call. Valentine's Day came and he sent me the most amazing beautiful flowers, tulips, my favorite! I continued to send him packages, usually every 3 weeks. Months passed as we grew closer and closer, so did our connection. My birthday rolled around in May and he sent me a beautiful necklace with two hearts connecting with our birthstones and our names engraved around it. I think at that moment when I opened the box, I felt could this be something real and could I be falling for a guy when I haven't even met him? My heart knew..and I knew. Summer went by pretty fast, and August was approaching. We had said early on that we wanted to meet each other, but I never thought it would happen until I started feeling so strongly for him. But yes, it was going to happen. First he wanted to come straight here, but I talked him into going home to his family..that was very important! We planned that I would fly up to him in Ohio and then we'd drive down here so he could meet my family and most importantly, my daughter. She's my world and if a guy wants to even think about being with me, he has to accept her. So, August 14th was around the corner...I counted down the days. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 day left. It was here! Going to the airport was so surreal. I didn't even realize what I was doing until the plane was in the air. I was going to meet this amazing guy that I had fallen for. When I was finally in Ohio, I felt like these past months were all coming together. Something I had never planned or thought would EVER happen to me was happening. I took me a while to find him cause he was waiting outside, but when I did..it was just like OH MY GOODNESS..talk about butterflies! Honestly, words can't express how amazingly great it was to see him and run into his arms and give him a huge kiss...FINALLY!